Dave Press – the Man, the Music and his Spoons
Dave (“Tabloid”) Press was born on the hard shoulder of the M25 on 4thJune 1842.
Real name Count Leonid Waterski-Biscuit III, the illegitimate son of the Grand Duchess Edina Allthrop Biscuit of Frome and Leonid Stefanovic Waterski, an unemployed bitumen blender from Omsk
Dave’s early career in entertainment began with the Bolshoi ballet but although he became a recognized master of the arabesque and pirouette, it was cut tragically short when “Dave Press Edict Number Six,” an emergency law rushed through the Moscow Parliament in 1997, banned him from wearing tights. An ashen-faced Oleg Leotard, the Bolshoi’s creative director, said at the time, “Dave Press in tights is just so very wrong.”
Through a brief spell on the trapeze with the Cirque Du Soleil as “L’homme Oiseau de Lyon,” a bouncer at the notorious Peckham Garden Centre and fish trainer with the London Aquarium, Dave eventually found his way into the music business through his mastery of the ocarina.
Dave’s subsequent meteoric rise to stardom and his establishment as the world’s number one deaf singer/guitarist is the stuff of legend. Frequently featured on popular wanted posters throughout Europe and America London Reykjavik
Throughout his career, Dave Press has rubbed shoulders, and sometimes ointment, with the rich and famous, having been insulted by such luminaries as Boris Yeltsin (then mayor of Moscow), Connie Booth (then wife of John Cleese) and Basil Brush and his 2007 brawl with the Dalai Llama remains the most-viewed video on You Tube.
In 2009, Dave wrote and produced Bird of Prey, the first rock opera to have a cast consisting entirely of ex-Prime Ministers and to be sung entirely in Klingon.
Dave is also famous both for his infatuation with tablecloths and his extensive collection of three Portuguese spoons.
