Sunday 5 June 2011

Dave Press to Perform for US President

The Daily Excess


Breaking News!!


The entertainment world was not only rocked to its foundations yesterday but also shaken to it core by the news that East Grinstead Rock legend Dave Press (22) has been invited by a U.S. President representative (whose name cannot be released for security reasons) to perform rock and blues classics, plus numbers from his forthcoming album, at no less a venue than the white house.


Presently still in rehab (see Daily Excess, May 24th, "Sussex Addict’s Hardcore Hobnob Habit Takes the Biscuit") undergoing treatment for acute hobnoborexia, an ashen-faced Mr Press (18) was left reeling from the news when the matter was broached by this reporter, mainly because it was the first he had heard of it.


Despite having his jaws wired shut, he was nevertheless able to tell this reporter that "I'm absolutely thrilled and humbled by this invitation, not to mention sceptical. I've never heard of this U.S. President bloke but I'm determined not to let that stop me treating everyone at the white house to a large dollop of me usual musical magic."


Press (36), eldest son of a bitumen blender from Omsk,who first rose to fame as lead guitarist for the Trotsky Tsars of Minsk in the 1980s, is renowned as the world's foremost deaf guitarist and affectionately known the length and breadth of East Grinstead as the "Singing Astronaut."


The white house gig will be the second time the irrepressible Press (59) has visited the United States. The first was in 1995 during his attempt to be the first man to circumnavigate the globe in a hang glider, without getting killed. On that occasion he touched down for a brief visit to Bono in Arkansas and to avail himself of the public rest room on the town's delightful Main Street.


Of  the now eagerly awaited performance, Mr Ulysses S. President of Backwater, Wyoming (76) said, "I am eagerly awaiting this performance."


For those who wish to attend the gig next month, the venue is in the back yard of the white house, the home of Mr President's mother, Cougar (93), which is easy to find as it is the only house in the town that is, er.....white.


The other three are blue.


No comments:

Post a Comment